Mary Makes Babies

Working While Mama: On Failure

Some varmint ate my tomatoes.

I went on a diet and gained more weight.

I keep testing negative instead of positive.

My card got declined when I tried to buy a chicken parm grinder.

Cause you see, I'm on a losing streak.

Working While Mama: Baby and Me at the R3 Prevention Summit

Disclosure: I was invited to the R3 Prevention Summit as a brand ambassador. I'm not being paid for this post, but I recieved free admission to the summit and to related VIP events. My opinions are my own.

There are a lot of different opinions out there on how your life will change after a baby is born. While I was pregnant with CC I received a lot of contradicting advice in regards to how to handle the changes to come. Some parents urged me to accept that life would never be the same, and embrace my new post-baby life whole hog, kissing the world I knew goodbye. Other parents insisted that I could keep my old life, and that I simply needed to add the baby to it. "Compromise everything!", one camp hollered, while the second camp insisted that I compromise nothing.

For the most part, I heard two philosophies: either I could adjust to baby's existence, or baby could adjust to mine. As usual, Scott Bobleo and I have found our own experience somewhere in the middle. There's no denying that CC changed our lives, and for the most part I try not to fight it. I don't sleep like I used to. I don't eat like I used to. My butt deflated. These are things that I can't change, so it feels healthier to just accept them as natural conditions of parenthood.

But then there is the rest of my life - the parts of me that were valuable to me pre-motherhood still exist, and they need to be nourished. My creativity, ambition, and sociality scream for attention with the same gusto that my baby anticipates his next meal. When it comes to those aspects of my life, I embrace the second philosophy. Rather than give up my career and my friends, I've decided to take CC along for the ride. 

 

Charlie and Auntie Heather kickin' it at the water cooler during our first day back co-working.

A photo posted by Mary Helen Leonard (@marymakesdinner) on Jul 7, 2014 at 3:58pm PDT

Since being cleared by his pediatrician for contact with the outside world, my little guy has been toted to happy hours, meetups, days of co-working, and even conferences. I'm not going to pretend that it always goes smoothly, or that we make it to every event that I want to attend. We don't. But we do OK, and we're getting better all the time. I'm lucky that he's a happy, healthy kid without a fear of strangers or new places. For the most part he does really well out in the world.

His only real issue is that he doesn't like nursing in public. He prefers to eat in a calm, quiet place - like his room at home. This was a major roadblock for a while. He'd get hungry, then cranky, then crazy, and no matter how much he wanted to eat he wouldn't nurse! I spent many MANY outings in the backseat of my car trying to nurse a screaming baby while the other adults enjoyed dinner INSIDE the restaurant.

Eventually I started using bottles during outings which made a world of difference. I pump as much as I can (which isn't all that much, but that's a story we can get into another time) and then leave the house for any major outings armed with a bottle. He still won't really settle down to eat, but he'll distractedly sip it throughout the day. It's just enough to keep him in a good mood, which is all you can really ask for when it comes to going places with a baby.

We've been going out for a few months now and our most successful day out to date would have the be the R3 Prevention Summit. I was invited as a brand ambassador to attend a preview dinner and the Summit, and asked to share my experience on my blog. It seemed like a great opportunity to share a snippet of life as a working mama - specifically a working blogger mama.

Our Trip to the R3 Prevention Summit

The event kicked off on Friday night with a cocktail party and a screening of the documentary film, Resistance. While I never like to pass up a good party (and this one had a pig roast!), and the film touched on a topic that is prime to rile me up, we didn't make it. We'd just returned from a week-long trip to my parents' place in Houston where I had been taking advantage of some serious Grandma time to work on my book. That week also involved a whole lot of Ebola-panic talk from my Dad - enough to give me a bit of a new mom anxiety attack. While I know that the topic of antibiotic resistance is incredibly important, I was fairly certain that watching a whole documentary on the subject would lead me down a quick path to cardiac arrest. 

CC and I woke up around 7:30 am on Saturday, and while 150 lucky people were attending that morning's Barre 3 Class, we were nursing, cuddling, and getting ready for our day. By 9:00 we were on the road. Baby Boy napped during the car ride, which was extra long thanks to the inevitable closed roads and traffic that seem to attend every weekend these days in downtown Austin. The delays were actually a blessing in disguise as they allowed CC to nap for more than a solid hour before we parked in the Long Center garage. I unloaded a stroller, packed up my moby wrap, and waltzed in to the event around 10:15 - just in time to see Andie MacDowell hit the stage.

Andie MacDowell was quite striking in person - a real beauty. I would have liked to pay closer attention to her thoughts on aging with grace, but the seats in front of the stage were in full sun. CC is still too little to tolerate direct sunlight, so we stuck to the shadier spots at the Summit. As luck would have it, the entire cooking demo area was shaded. Score! We caught two chef demos that day - one with Chef Sonya Cote of Eden East, and one with Shannen Tune of Hotel Derek. We also stopped by the food stands and got our snack on.

We also spent some time perusing the pillar activities. There was a fitness tent where exercise sessions seemed to be springing up throughout the day, and two smaller session sections focused on mind and body wellness. There were also tents dedicated to natural beauty and nutrition, each filled with products from Summit sponsors. The busiest tent housed chakra cleansing, reiki sessions, and henna tattoos.

I would have liked to get in on some of that new-agey goodness, but the lines stayed long throughout our stay - too long for a squirming little one. I did manage to get myself hooked up with a pretty henna tattoo. It's been years (holy wow, like more than ten years now that I think about it) since I've had henna done. It brought me back to my days of prancing naked around bonfires in upstate New York. (We'll get into that part of my personal history another time.)

Throughout the day, CC was a champ. He had a great time watching all of the lovely people and spending time in the fresh air. He spent the first half of our stay in his stroller, content to look out at the world with his ever-increasing skills of observation. He's so curious lately that I've taken to calling him "Inspector Baby". Everything he sees must be thoroughly checked out - from people to pets to random inanimate objects. The Summit was an opportunity for some serious looky-looking. Around lunch time he began to get wiggly so I moved him into his moby wrap. Facing out from his Mama, CC took in the whole event from a fresh perspective, happily bouncing along as I mingled.

Around 12:30 he started to get sleepy, so I decided to call it a day. We said our goodbyes then headed back toward the car. By the time I reached the parking garage he had nodded to sleep in his wrap, probably dreaming of Andie MacDowell doing yoga with Chef Sonya Cote. 

All that stimulation made for a slightly crankier than usual baby that evening, but all in all, our trip to the R3 Prevention Summit was a great success. CC was a real star. While I was changing his diaper that morning a woman came over to catch a glimpse of my giggling, wiggling four-month old. "Is he always this happy?!" she asked. I stopped for a moment to send a little gratitude out into the universe before telling her that yes, he pretty much is. 

Work at Home Motherhood: My Game Plan

The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry, or so the saying goes. But it still can't hurt to give it a shot, right? I know that I am probably going to make many a current mama laugh with my attempts at plotting and organizing my life post-baby, but bear with me. It makes me feel better.

After scouring the internet for resources and advice on working from home with a tiny baby, I found myself in a bit of a panic. Most of the tips and advice I came across involved hiring babysitters or dropping baby off with friends and family in order to get work done. While both of those options sound great, they aren't very practical for me.

A babysitter would have to be paid nearly as much I as I do, so that's right out. While I'm sure my Mom would love to take a regular shift with little Babeleo, she lives more than two hours away. My sisters all have full time jobs or are full time moms themselves. Not surprisingly, I can't think of a single person who would be willing to care for my child on a regular basis for free. Who does?

Our nephew, Andrew, checking out his Grandpa's computer, way back when he was itty-bitty.

So where are all the women like me? The ones who can't afford to quit their full-time jobs, but can't afford childcare either? It's a real stroke of luck that I work from home, otherwise we'd be in a serious pickle financially. The question is, how does one balance work and baby on a daily basis? There have to be plenty of people out there who have done this before. 

I was incredibly relieved when I finally found someone who had. A friend of mine, and a fellow blogger, shared her story with me a few weeks ago, and it really helped. She worked from her home after having her baby, and somehow kept both her job and her sanity. Not only was hearing from her inspiring, it was super informative as well. She shared some insider tips on how to get work done while keeping baby close and happy at the same time.

I've combined her advice with some thoughts and strategies of my own, and now I am feeling a whole lot better about the next year of my life. Here's what I'm thinking so far:

1. Give them the boob. I'm banking on this as my number one strategy. I plan on sticking Babeleo in a sling, and feeding him until he's fit to burst. According to my friend, you can get quite a lot done while the little one gets their nom on.
2. Skin to skin. I'm not ashamed to work naked, especially if it improves my chances of keeping Babeleo quiet and content. I'm planning to use either a sling or a NuRoo Pocket to keep baby snuggled up while I clock laptop time.
3. Forget traditional working hours. Embracing constant interruption will be my only hope, and when it comes to certain tasks, formulation and photography for example, I will often be at the mercy of Babeleo's mood. I'm anticipating that a good portion of my work will just have to wait until my husband gets home to care for the baby. This means working whenever I can, not whenever I want.
4. Independant Play. I know that not all babies go for this, but I'm sure as hell going to try. Walkers, bouncers, jumpers, high chairs and swings could buy me precious time. Here's hoping that this kid will find toys and gear utterly fascinating.
5. Be flexible. I am a leaf on the wind. I know that some days this will work, and some days it won't. I'll have to adjust as I go, and change my plans constantly. Kids get cranky. Kids get sick. Kids are unpredictable creatures with changing needs. Staying on track, and keeping up with the simultaneous demands of work and child care won't be easy, and that's a reality I will simply need to accept.
6. Stay organized. I'll need to keep careful track of tasks and responsibilities like never before. With the constant distraction of Babeleo, my professional life will depend on a system of to-do lists, schedules, and goal setting. I'll need to be able to quickly reference what needs to be done, eliminating the need to remember things on my own. 
7. Stay focused. While I need to accept that a portion of my brain will forever be lost to my child, I will also need to make a concious effort to focus on work while I am working. Keeping baby mode and work mode completely separate will be impossible, but an attempt at focusing my attention on one or the other instead of both all at once will be super necessary. 
8. Make time to enjoy being a Mom. I'm already jealous of people who can dedicate their whole attention to their babies every day of the week. A lot of me wishes that were me too. While I won't be able to spend every waking moment playing, cooing, and gazing at the love of my life, I do intend to make time every day to stop and appreciate this little person. Removing work from my mind in order to fully enjoy the moments when I need to stop and care for Babeleo will be essential to our happiness. 
9. Take a day off every week. I think one of my biggest challenges will be stopping myself from working around the clock. In order to stay healthy and happy, I'll need to set a time every night when I simply stop working, no matter what. If possible, I'd also like to keep one day a week totally work free, maybe Sundays.
10. Keep my expectations realistic. I can't be a perfect mother or a perfect employee, but by setting attainable goals, and not biting off more than I can chew, I'll have a fighting chance of being a good mother and a good employee. More than ever, I'll need to be careful to choose my opportunities and challenges with care. There simply won't be the same amount of time and energy that there was before. 

So that's it! That's how I plan to swing being stay at home mom with a full time job (and a blog, and a wife, among other things). Wish me luck, people. I'm going to need it. Are you a work at home mom? I'd love to hear your take on all of this. Any other pearls of wisdom to bestow?

Working Nine to Five

So the combination of a short fuse, a quickness to tears, and a new level of clumsiness is really making work extra challenging lately. I find myself immensely jealous of rich women who get to lay around crying in peace. I, on the other hand, am knee deep in plant-based colorants, lotion base, and email. My hands are sixty different colors. My floor is coated in oil, and my wits are at their end. 

I had a plan, you see. My plan was to blog on overdrive for the next couple of months, stocking my work blog with posts and recipes to span whatever measly leave I can afford to take off. I also planned to take advantage of the weather and light this time of year to push out another three or four tutorial videos for The Natural Beauty Workshop.

In a perfect world, I would even have Mary Makes Pretty and Mary Makes Dinner stocked up by now. Instead, I'll have to either go on hiatus or recruit some guest bloggers to cover the gap. (Want to guest blog for me?? I'd be WAY into that. Vegetarian food posts, natural beauty posts, and crafty/DIY posts would be great.)

Plans are nice, aren't they? I usually think so, at least until said plans are derailed by unexpected piles of extra work and an ever-growing belly. Hell, usually unexpected piles of work don't phase me at all. Normally I'd be game. Normally I'd be flexible, taking it all in stride, doing what I could when I could, without freaking out over it all. But normally I'm not eight months pregnant and staring into the terrifying eye of impending motherhood.

As is, I'm kind of losing it. My hormone tormented feels (not to mention my aching legs) are screaming out for a break, one that I just can't supply them with. The last thing I can afford to do right now is take even more time off of work, especially considering that I'm on my own when it comes to stocking the blog and social media outlets for the time I'll be gone. 

I know plenty of folks have made the most out of much worse situations, but I've got to tell you, I am tired, and really regretting not signing up for a private short term disability package before getting preggers. I was so busy worrying about whether or not we could get pregnant that I didn't stop to think about little details like paying the mortgage while I recovered from birth. And here in Texas, women can't even apply for unemployment during that period.

Let that be a lesson to you TTC ladies out there. Square this shit up before you get that bun in the oven. Post-miracle it will be too late. 

Did I mention yet that I can barely keep my eyes open after 3:00 pm? Ughhhh...

So, other mamas, how did you cope with life in the third trimester? Tips and advice are most welcome. After googling, the best advice I could find was totally inpractical (ie: quit your job, stupid.) VERY helpful, internets. 

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