It's been two weeks since my last loss and and I'm feeling surprisingly OK. I'm a bit shocked at how quickly I have been able to recover compared to my loss last year. Of course, this pregnancy ended much earlier on and while I don't really think there is any way to truly protect one's self from being heartbroken after a miscarriage I have to admit that being aware of the possibility of loss from the start must have made what happened easier to accept.
I was definitely a hot mess when I wrote my last post on here, but the fog is clearing, and when I look at what happened I don't fall apart the way I thought I might. Maybe I'm in denial. Or maybe I'm somehow really OK. It's hard to tell - especially for me - but I'm going with the latter.
After some tearful consideration I've decided to start trying to conceive again ASAP. According to statistics, pregnancies that follow miscarriages directly have a tendency to stick. I don't know if it will help in our case or not, but at least it feels good to have made a decision to keep trying. I'm choosing to believe that this can still happen. At the same time I'm choosing to accept that we are not guaranteed a win on this.
It's sort of like that moment in a bad sports movie when the underdog baseball team decides to play the championship game even when they know that victory is against all odds. Their star player walked out last night and the manager is about to sell the whole enchilada to pay off his gambling debts. We know we might not win, but we're going to go out there and give it all we've got.
Except in this case the odds aren't actually against us. Pregnancies that occur within six months of miscarriage have a pretty great success rate. And this isn't our last shot. We can keep trying for as long as we want to. I have no idea how many more times I would want to go through this but at the end of the day it's my choice - and that's something I really need to remember.
Cross your fingers. Hopefully good news is around the corner.