Scott and I have been trying to conceive since early July, and I had begun to feel pretty discouraged and fed up with the process. I've been taking supplements (maca root, selenium and mthfr friendly vitamins), avoiding sugar (mostly), and using progesterone oil during my luteal phase for several months now. The progesterone and maca seem to make me gain weight, despite being semi-faithful to my diet, and the extra hormones had been playing holy hell on my mood. When I saw yet another negative test this month I was seriously bummed out.
I nearly skipped taking the second test 3 days later. What was the point? I wondered. The progesterone oil was making me sick and I couldn't wait to stop using the stuff and get on with my next cycle. Still, the test was scheduled on my fertility calendar and according to my own rules I wasn't supposed to stop using the oil until I'd taken at least two tests.
After a day's debate, I ran out to the pharmacy and got myself another test - just because I wanted to remain faithful to my routine. I was shocked when a second, very faint line appeared on the stick. I had a positive!
My first round of HCG levels were low, and the second didn't multiply as expected. I waited through the weekend for a third test that would take place on Monday. I must have become quite the pessimist because I really just assumed that it was over at that point - a chemical pregnancy perhaps. But then the results came back with good news. My levels had started to grow more quickly which is very encouraging.
Still, after losing two pregnancies since C's birth I know better than to start picking out baby names just yet. I've been trying to keep my feelings in check by thinking of this as a pregnancy and not a baby - at least not yet. We've dubbed the little lentil (that's how big it is right now) Potential-Leo, and we're doing everything we can think of to try and keep it going.
We have another HCG test on Tuesday, and that will tell us a lot. If the upward HCG trend continues than the pregnancy has a chance of viability. If not...
I kept all of my previous pregnancies secret during the first trimester. I suppose I was worried that telling people would jinx it or that I didn't feel like I could handle sharing such a vulnerable part of myself with the world. This time I've decided to call on all the strength at my disposal, even if it means putting myself out there a little past my comfort level.
In the past, before C, while I was struggling with infertility, I asked the readers of my blog to pray for our baby. C managed to soldier through a fair bit of adversity on his way into the world, so I'm thinking that those prayers really helped us out.
I don't know what will happen next - whether or not this pregnancy will take, or if this story will have a happy ending, but I'd like to ask you to say a prayer for us and our little lentil. Please send us your good vibes, your hopes, your prayers, and your positive energy.
I'll let you know what happens.
