Baby Boy got his first round of shots yesterday. It proved to be a harrowing experience for everone involved. One thing about having a baby that doesn't cry all that much - when they do let it rip it can really pull on your heart strings. He went beyond his usual waaaahhhh and into a gurgling, squalling, scream. I tried nursing him as the shots were given, but he wouldn't even take the boob. I ended up handing him over to Scott who has an uncany ability to soothe Charlie whenever he flips out. It actually makes me a little bit jealous to see Scott calm him down so easily, but I try to push that feeling out of the way to make room for grattitude. I'm thankful Charlie has such a loving Dad.
Worse than getting the actual shots was the aftermath. Charlie has been pretty unhappy since then. He flipped out and refused to nurse last night for no apparent reason, suddenly screaming at the top of his lungs in the middle of a feed. Again, Scott calmed him down and then just held him until he started acting like he was hungry again. After that, the kid nursed like there was no tomorrow. I eventually had to take him off the boob to try and coax him into sleeping. (And to save my poor aching nipples.)
This morning he woke up cranky, and has spent the entire morning parked on my chest. After nursing he didn't want to talk, play, or look around like he usually does at that time of day. He just wanted to burrow his little face into my neck and go back to sleep. So I let him, and he's been napping there ever since.
I hope he feels better soon. I miss his smiles, and I'll be relieved when he gets back to normal. Even though I feel like we made the right choice for us and for Charlie, I can't help but feel a little nervous in the aftermath of vaccination. I feel like these decisions that have to be made can be even more painful the physical challenges we face as parents. As tired as I am, I think I'd gladly take sleep deprivation and sore arms in exchange for peace of mind.
I guess noone can ever give that to you though. When you love someone this much the fear of them being harmed or taken away from you is just something that you have to learn to live with. That's why as much as I'd love to eat breakfast at some point today, I won't risk waking him up by moving him. Not today. Today Charlie and I will stick together.