I felt much better after my little cry-fest last week, and I'm happy to report that major progress has been made on the itching situation. A change in medication really seemed to help, so I'm hoping that within another week or so it may be licked.
I spent the weekend sewing and experimenting on macaroni and cheese ice cream for the upcoming Mac and Cheeze Takedown competition. Cheese ice cream is a tricky little devil. I've got the taste right, but the texture is still a bit dense for my liking. More batches will be made this week. As for sewing, I can't seem to get enough of it lately.
I suppose it's my own version of nesting. It's like I have this urge to do SOMETHING for the baby, but there really isn't much to do. At this point it's just a whole lot of waiting. Sewing for her seems to help me pass the time and feel productive. Making her little gifts makes me happy. The only trouble is that I'm starting to run out of projects. A child can only have so many stuffed animals and play mats, after all.
While I'm still grateful for the time, I'm getting more and more excited to meet my baby. Every little thing he/she does feels like a miracle to me. I've been enjoying feeling her movements. Whenever I can, I sneak off for a little snuggle session with the baby. There may be a belly between us, but now that she's bigger I can feel the shape of her body and the pressure of her energy pushing against the walls of her little space.
During these little love fests I can't help wondering if Babeleo is a he or a she. It's not that I have a preference, I'm just really really curious about who is in there. Scott and I have had our baby names set aside for years. We know which boy name and which girl name we'll be using. Once it occurred to me that one of the two children we've dreamed about is in there, kicking me, I was dying to know which one it was.
Anyway, these are my happy things right now. Feeling the baby's presence so strongly, spending quiet nights listening to music and sewing cute little things, and giving in to the lowering of my energy levels now that I'm in the third trimester. I actually miss the baby when I don't feel her for a while. I shouldn't be surprised by how much I already love her, but I am.
Of course, because life is always changing, there are some sad things too this week. Someone I love very much lost her Mom over the weekend. I grew up with them both. Her Mom gave me the gift of a second home during some of the most difficult periods of my life. That home had more than its fair share of tragedy and heartache, but it also had an abundance of love, loyalty, and dedication. It gave me perspective on my own family, and my own values, and had a huge hand in shaping who I grew up to be. I'll always be grateful for that, and for all of the love that was extended to me so unconditionally.
So, even as my heart overflows with love, it also hurts this week, not just for the loss of someone I loved, and someone who loved me, but for the pain I know is left behind for the rest of the family. It's awful to see someone you love suffer, and right now that is exactly what is happening. It's natural. It's expected. But it doesn't make it any easier.
I often think about these kinds of losses when it comes to having children of one's own. In the case of my friend, I know that the love she has for her children will carry her through the pain she's feeling right now. Thank goodness for them. Thank goodness for love, and thank goodness for the time we get to enjoy these things.